I feel better. A helpful thing is to think about the essential me and to keep faith in that. In a funny way that brand you book and indeed twitter are helpfull. I think I'm capable of saying an doing amazing things. It also still helps to think of activities being dormant and not dead. It also helps to know that I'm right. And to be interested and learning. One or two people have said some important things. I have some confidence that time will prove me right too. Because i am right. There are lots of good things and things to loo forward too. Il just keep trying. Though sometimes it is v dangerous and annoying the things people say. I sometimes think people find it impossible to be completely nice. I know that sounds strange but there q often is a power play in things people say, a competitive element, even if they are largely lovely. A sort of sting in the tail whereby even if they're apologising they need to score a point. Anna is v competitive sometimes. But i think a lot of people r. I think self deprecation is important. Today i think I'm going to be mainly reading for book club I might even get it finished or once. I am exhausted from two years of difficulties and working my way round anna. I still have hope. Iv sent her some stuff from the wedding. I am amazed how little she appears to feel about anything. Iv tugged the heart strings but she doesn't seem to have any. Great programme on butterflies. I have memories.